"When you love someone...truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt. You literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul."
-Sherilyn Kenyon
This quote truly speaks to me. Back in 2011 I wrote a blog titled "Truth" in which I said that the only people that can truly and deeply hurt us are those closest to us since those are the people we allow closest to our heart. I've always said that love means placing your heart in the care of another. Sometimes that other person doesn't care for our heart in the way that it should be handled. The heart is a vital organ and yet as strong as it is, it is delicate. Lets face it, we all get hurt at one point. Our heart gets broken. What we choose to do with that hurt is up to us. Are you going to wallow in your pain? Perhaps for a little while we can feel self pity and sadness but we need to keep moving forward. A lot of it has to do with the internal dialog that we speak to ourselves during this painful time. Do we play into the pain, hurt or feelings of loss and loneliness by the questions and words that dance around in our head? Do we concentrate on and cultivate the negative thoughts and emotions and stir the brew of doubts in our own worth?
I think we have all been there at one point. A loss of an important friendship. A dissolution of a marriage or long term relationship. The feelings of being unlovable, undesired, flawed, not good enough. The fear of starting all over again or even worse the fear of never being loved again. The hurt of knowing that you cared more for someone than they ever cared for you. The sense of wasted time and an emptiness and lack of vision for what may lay ahead. The realization that people change and grow apart or the even harder realization that someone wasn't the person you thought they were. Doom and gloom can take over the depths of our minds and the physical pain that over takes our bodies can be over powering. Does any of this sound familiar?
The truth is you are not alone. As much as all of these thoughts and feelings are real, you have the power to move forward and create the life that you were meant to live and deserve. More truth... most of what you are telling yourself is not truth based and merely based on the fears that have surfaced through your current situation. You are not unlovable. The fact is we all have many people that love and care about us. You are not unworthy. Do not let rejection from another person or their hurtful acts determine your worth. We are all deserving of great blessings and abundance. Many people give up or quit right before greatness is ready to unfold. How hard are you willing to work on making your dreams come true? Great success usually takes many attempts and failures. This can be true with matters of the heart as well. The successful people are those that learn from it and never gave up.
How about telling yourself that you are worth it? Why would you deprive yourself of the blessings that life has in store for you? How about admitting to yourself that you are not perfect, you made mistakes, but that you are committed to doing better now that you know better? You cannot go back and change the past you have no other choice than to keep moving forward. Your head may be spinning and may tend to want to analyze every aspect of how you have arrived at this very place, but that is futile. Stop beating yourself up and start handling your own heart with love and kindness.You have to summon up a strength from such a deep place within yourself that you may surprise yourself with how strong you are. Use this to empower yourself with self confidence.
On those days where you don't even feel like getting out of bed, force yourself to get up and start reciting all of the good things you have in your life. Start a mental gratitude list and recite those items to yourself. Remind yourself of all of the things that you have on your bucket list and all of the dreams that you are determined to accomplish. Even if it is one small positive that you can cling to at that moment, hold onto it and reposition your focus to that positive. Do something for yourself, get involved, start working on a project, take up a hobby, workout, join a group, whatever "it" is, but just do "it". Find something to do that makes you feel alive again. You may be cautious and guarded for a while. You may have even built protective walls around you to protect your heart and soul from being hurt again, but eventually as you force yourself to LIVE, you will be able to let your guard down enough to let love and hope in again and not deprive yourself of the joy of living and loving to your full authentic capacity. The good news is that the heart is a muscle and all strained muscles will heal and life will go on!
Sounds easier said then done? Well, reality bites sometimes, and yes, you still have to take care of your responsibilities with home and work and take care of any commitments you have and to any one depending on you. I am not suggesting that we all put on a fake smile every minute we are hurting. What I am saying is, believe that in a year from now you will be able to look back stronger, more empowered and with a new outlook and perspective. You may end up in a better and happier place than you ever could have imagined. Instead of fighting the process, know that you are strong and most situations are temporary. Try changing the dialog and ask yourself the right questions. What if we changed the why me's into what can I learn from this? Can we push past the pain and hurt of that moment to gain a higher perspective on how this experience is going to change us and catapult us to the next level? When you start asking yourself better questions you may start getting better answers! Also, don't be afraid to reach out for support to those that care about you and will lend a listening ear when you need to vent or need an encouraging boost to get through the day. You already know who the trusted people are in your support system!
Remember that even if your heart is aching and your emotions and feelings are all over the spectrum it is merely because the direction of your journey has changed. The desires of your heart and your goals are still very attainable and there are many roads that lead to happiness. Now it is up to you to take the courageous first step.
Just Sayin',
Christina
