Stepping Stones

It has been an interesting 2 weeks. My job has gotten very busy and we seem to be receiving more jobs in the near future that will keep us on our toes and thus it has come time to hire an assistant. First and foremost I am grateful to be employed and to truly enjoy what I do. Secondly, the fact that we have been blessed with new opportunities after weathering a harsh storm gives me an attitude of gratitude and a hope for a promising future. So, I placed an ad on Craigslist and awaiting the plethora of applicant’s resumes. Within 24 hours I received approximately 140! Just goes to show you that there are a lot of unemployed people out there. I took the weekend to review about 25 or so, since after my initial review there were many to eliminate as candidates immediately. For instance, I really don’t care that you like to work out, take long walks on the beach and walk your dogs. This is a resume for a job, not a singles dating application!! Also, please remember to change the objective on your resume to be applicable to the job in which you are applying.  I am running a professional office within the building industry, NOT a hair salon, doctor’s office, dental office or restaurant. Yup, I had some real winners that I could write about, but that would be unprofessional!!

I finally got it down to 4 applicants that I would call in for interviews.  I was pleasantly surprised that all of the candidates were mature women with plenty of life and professional experience.  Although interviewing is not one of my favorite things to do, I do enjoy meeting new people, have compassion for those looking for work & enjoy seeing how people respond to situational and random questions. After asking one of the applicants what she considered to be her greatest strength & weakness, I really appreciated her candidness referring to the fact that she did not have college degree.  First of all it is not a job requirement and I listened to her refer back to opportunities in which she was not even considered for not having this certificate. Now, please do not misunderstand me when I say this… But, when you have a master’s degree worth of life experience in a given field or several different fields for that matter, I find it extremely unfair to hold a college degree in higher regard then experience. As I said, this woman was mature, very professional and had years of pertaining experience in our field of work.  I am a firm believer in advanced education and furthering your options and value in any given field, however, something’s are not “rocket science” and there needs to be a value set for the “school of hard-knocks” education.  And YES, I do realize that there is a flip side to this with young adults getting out of college and not being able to get work in their field of education due to the fact that they have NO experience! There are many different types of discriminating factors to the job search and many of us have run into them whether it is ethnicity, beliefs, age, weight, lack of experience, etc… All I am simply saying is that everyone deserves a chance whether you have a 2 year or 4 year degree, a doctorate or a master’s in life experience. For me, I was looking for someone that had common sense, a willingness to learn and that I could sit next to for 10 hours a day and tolerate as well as them tolerate me!!! True story….LOL!

Which brings me to my point…I truly believe that there is a “plan” for each and every one of us. All of our experiences in life happen for a reason and prepare us for the next step. Life gives us a series of “stepping stones” with all of the lessons learned, trials and tribulations as well as the great experiences we have had. We bring the knowledge learned with us to each new endeavor that is set before us. It is all part of the “plan”. How many times have you been put in a situation, have had time to reflect and know that there was a previous experience or situation that you went through that prepared you for this exact moment in time? Beyond a shadow of a doubt, you KNOW that you could not have had the strength, coping skills or perseverance in this situation without having learned from something you went through yesterday, last year or 5 years ago. I know that I can think of many! This is exactly why we need to embrace each moment, whether you perceive it to be good or bad, it is a stepping-stone to what is coming next. Life is sometimes like a connect- the-dot page that you did when you were little. Start at 1, then 2, then 3, etc…; ultimately creating a beautiful picture. All of the dots are somehow connected in life too. Remember what we actually use stepping stones for. We use them as a means of creating a path. Whether they are made out of concrete or stone, we lay them to guide us and keep us on the path in which we are walking.

I was greatly reminded this week, as I sat across the desk interviewing these women and finding myself out of my “comfort zone”, that life is merely a series of stepping stones. Each step we take is an opportunity to expand our knowledge and stretch ourselves. Sometimes the direction of that path changes due to unforeseen circumstances, but part of the excitement and joy of living is awaiting  where the next stepping stone will leads us and what magnificent views we will experience along the way!

Just Sayin’,

Christina

Line in the Sand

I have come across many people my age that have been in a long term relationships that are so unhappy. I think it is really important to remember that you are ultimately in charge of your own happiness, however, the people that you surround yourself with and are in close relationships with, greatly affect your level of happiness.

Contentment can be a wonderful thing. To be satisfied with what one is or has, not wanting more or anything else is a wonderfully positive place to dwell, but I believe that it is in our human nature to want our relationships to evolve to greater levels. Sometimes we lose sight of that goal, aren’t sure how to get there or how to jump back on track. Love gets complicated and relationships are a skilled balancing act between two people. They involve compromise, trust, respect, affection, nurturing, lots of communication, maintaining individuality and self-interests. Every relationship has its ups & downs, peaks as valleys, good times, okay times and bad times. Relationships are hard work!  When we forget to do the “work” is where complacency starts!

Complacency is a feeling of pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger or defect; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation or condition. Complacency is the root of many relationship down-falls and opens the door for a plethora of other problems. This can get to a level where the unhappiness overwhelms you and takes over your life. In order to turn a relationship around and get out of this rut, both parties must be willing to “work” to save it. It is an uphill battle that can only be won by a commitment to saving what you both have worked so hard to build. Yes, over time, people do change, can grow apart, one person is no longer interested in putting forth any more effort and sometimes relationships simply just don’t “work out”.  It is a terrible situation to be in and the floods of emotions that you feel run deep. Only YOU know where your “line in the sand” is drawn!

Only you know the history of your relationship, the foundation you have to re-build on, the depths of your love or disappointments and ultimately if this is the person that you want to grow old with. You must have someone that is willing to work with you and communication is the key to starting the journey to reconciliation and re-building a life that can be greater than you ever imagined.

I absolutely understand that voice that screams "RUN"! Just be sure not to make any major decisions while in an emotional state. You have to be able to take a step away from your pain, frustration, hurt and anger to truly know what the BEST decision for YOU is! Even though many of us have similar situations, each case is different because we are all individuals and we all know the history of our own relationships. Most people wish that someone would tell them what the right answer is. As I said before, only You know where your "line in the sand” is. You also need to take into account that there are always external factors to stay or go like, finances, living arrangements, if kids are still at home, etc... Sometimes you just need to have plans A-Z!

The most important thing is to keep working on YOU. Create the life you are meant to have despite the feelings you are encountering right now. Building yourself up usually has a positive ripple effect. We tend to build walls of bitterness, resentment and anger when we are in this situation. This is our self-defense mechanisms working. Time is the only thing that helps knock down some of those walls as we work on ourselves. We are all "works in process"!

No matter what the "plan" is or the final decision, you must stand on HOPE and FAITH in knowing that God is in control. Sometimes that is the only comfort we have. And, never stop believing in miracles!  I have been there and I do understand! I do offer a hope that there is light & resolve at the end of the tunnel of pain & hurt!! 

 Just Sayin’,
 Christina

Love Languages

Love…what a beautiful word and something the world could use more of. With today being the first day of February that can only mean one thing…Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. The very commercial day in which we express our love and affection for that special someone; usually with a bouquet of flowers or a heart shaped box of chocolates.  I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate flowers or chocolate, but I do have concern that there is just one day a year selected for the celebration for such an important and vital element in our lives. We all interpret love differently and there are many different types of love but today I am going to blog about the languages of love.

In the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman, he talks about the different “love languages”, the primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He discovered in his many years of marriage counseling, that most people are drawn to someone that speaks a different “love language” than their own. He breaks down the 5 love languages as follows: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

We all identify primarily with one of these categories. It is the way that makes us feel loved. There are some that need to hear the words “I love you” as their affirmation while for others, nothing gives them a better feeling of being loved than by spending quality time and having your sweethearts undivided attention. For others the effort and thoughtfulness of a gift fills them with the sense that they are cared for. To some, the act of service, like having your honey clean the house, makes them feel like they are sharing the burdens. Still others feel most loved with physical touch. Physical touch does not just mean sex! It can be a hug or simply a gentle touch on the arm showing caring or concern.

Can you imagine how wonderful it would be if your special someone learned to speak your language? Although all of the categories above are wonderful, let me put this into perspective. Let’s say hypothetically that you were a person that felt most loved by physical touch and you are with a partner that shows you love by buying you flowers or gifts but rarely has any physical contact with you. It is not that you don’t appreciate the gifts and are ungrateful for this kind gesture, but it wouldn’t evoke the “I Love You” feeling in you that perhaps a night of snuggling would.  What if you were in the category of needing words of affirmation and you are with a partner that rarely said I love you? What if you were looking for quality time to fill that void and when you had a moment with your partner they were too busy checking their phone or emails?

How would your life change if you recognized your love language, were able to communicate that to your significant other and you both could work on loving each other more in the way in which you identify? Hmmm…something to think about! This is not the fix-all, but definitely a tool in which to add more depth of love to your relationships.

Let’s face it, life gets busy, circumstances happen and love is complicated. Isn’t it time that we treat those that we claim to love the most, the best that we possibly can? Are we lining up the feelings we have with the words we utter and the actions we take? The fact is that you can choose to make choices that add value and quality to your life. Look for ways to grow the relationships in your life and to learn about and improve yourself. This typically causes a positive ripple effect. At the end of the day don’t we all just want to love and be loved? Please don’t wait for just one day a year to express your LOVE! Now go take off another layer of that mask you are wearing and GO AND LOVE SOMEBODY!

Just Sayin’,

Christina